At a recent wedding I officiated in Toronto for a wonderful couple, Brandon and Leah, I noticed something profound. It wasn’t in the grandeur of the venue, the elegance of the ceremony, or even the heartfelt vows they exchanged. It was in how they communicated with each other. Brandon, in particular, had this unique ability to speak just enough. He didn’t fill the space with unnecessary words. Instead, when he spoke, everyone, especially Leah, listened. Why? Because his words carried weight. He didn’t waste them.
This experience made me think about an essential life lesson—one that applies to weddings, marriages, and everyday communication: the less you say, the more your words will matter.
This principle is as relevant in a marriage as it is in a business meeting or a classroom. Whether you’re communicating with your spouse, your children, or your colleagues, the ability to speak with purpose and intention can make all the difference. Here’s why mastering this can lead to deeper connections and greater influence in every part of your life.
Why Saying Less Makes Your Words More Powerful
Most of us believe that the more we talk, the more we’ll be heard. But here’s the truth: talking too much can actually dilute the impact of your words. Have you ever been in a conversation where people are talking over each other, desperately trying to be heard? It’s chaotic, and after a while, the noise just blurs together. But the person who waits, listens, and speaks with purpose? That’s the voice that stands out.
I’ve seen this happen not just in personal relationships, but in professional settings as well. People who speak with intention and brevity command the room. They don’t feel the need to fill every silence, and when they do speak, their words are memorable. It’s a skill I encourage everyone to develop, especially in a marriage, where communication is key.
The Secret to Effective Communication in Marriage
In my role as a Jewish Wedding Officiant and Jewish Wedding Cantor, I’ve witnessed countless marriages begin. One of the most beautiful aspects of these unions is watching couples, like Brandon and Leah, who truly understand the power of listening. In their vows, they didn’t just recite long, flowery speeches. Instead, they shared meaningful, concise promises that reflected their deep understanding of one another.
Brandon once told me that in their relationship, it wasn’t about saying everything but about saying the right things at the right time. He learned early in their relationship that Leah valued thoughtful communication over a constant flow of chatter. This is something many of us could learn from.
So, whether you’re preparing for a wedding, navigating a marriage, or just trying to be a better communicator in general, consider this: talk less, but mean more. It’s a game changer in any relationship.
The Power of Listening
It’s not just about speaking less, though—it’s about listening more. Listening is the foundation of meaningful communication. In marriages, especially, being an active listener shows your partner that you respect and value what they’re saying. You’re not just waiting for your turn to talk—you’re truly hearing them.
Brandon and Leah exemplified this during their wedding day. While the ceremony was filled with joyous celebration, the moments of quiet reflection and listening were just as powerful. They looked at each other with intent, listening with their hearts, and that’s what makes a marriage strong: the ability to listen and truly understand each other’s needs and emotions.
This is something I often teach in my Bar and Bat Mitzvah lessons as well. When I work with students, I emphasize the importance of listening to others and to themselves. Just like Brandon and Leah on their wedding day, understanding when to speak and when to listen is a life skill that will serve them well into adulthood.
Want People to Listen? Speak Less, But Mean More
Most people talk to be heard, but the ones who speak with purpose are the ones who command attention. We live in a world where everyone is vying for attention, whether on social media, at work, or in personal relationships. But here’s the key: the less you say, the more people will listen.
This lesson doesn’t just apply to adults or newlyweds; it’s a crucial lesson for kids, too. I’ve worked with countless Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah students who often struggle with the pressure to fit in, to be heard, to make a mark. But I always tell them the same thing: speak when you have something important to say, and your words will carry more weight.
This advice not only builds confidence but also teaches them how to navigate relationships and challenges as they grow older.
Applying This Lesson to Your Own Life
Now, let’s apply this lesson to you. Whether you’re about to get married, navigating a new relationship, or trying to be more impactful in your communication at work or with your family, the same principle applies: talk less, listen more, and when you do speak, make your words count.
Ask yourself:
• Are you speaking just to fill the silence, or are you waiting until you have something meaningful to contribute?
• Are you listening to understand, or just waiting for your turn to talk?
• How can you be more intentional with your words in your relationships?
By practicing these principles, you’ll find that not only will people listen more when you speak, but you’ll also strengthen your relationships and build trust.
The Takeaway for Couples: Speak With Purpose
As I think back to Brandon and Leah’s wedding in Toronto, I’m reminded of the power of communication in a marriage. It’s not about saying everything that’s on your mind—it’s about saying what’s meaningful and listening with intent. That’s what makes a marriage, or any relationship, thrive.
So, if you want your words to matter—whether in a marriage, at work, or in life—say less, but mean more. Let your words carry weight, and watch how the people around you start paying attention. I was mentored by an amazing Jewish wedding Rabbi. Let me help you.
For more on how to build strong communication skills, and to prepare for marriage and life check out bensilverberg.com
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