We’ve all been there—focusing on what we’re not good at, beating ourselves up for not measuring up to some invisible standard. But here’s the thing: we’ve got this incredible window of life, so why not fight for enjoyment instead? This whole notion of tearing ourselves apart over what we’re not? It’s draining. It tears me apart, too.
Whether you’re planning a wedding or working toward personal goals, the truth is that every single one of us is great at some things and not so great at others. And that’s perfectly fine! We get to choose what we put on a pedestal. But why do we so often choose the things we’re bad at as the focus of our attention and energy? The more we obsess over our shortcomings, the more we miss out on enjoying life’s best moments.
I want to share with you a story about Shawn and Sam, a wonderful couple from Toronto whose Jewish wedding I had the honor of officiating. Their journey, just like anyone’s, wasn’t without its bumps. But the lesson they learned, and the one I hope to convey to you today, is this: focus on what you’re great at, embrace what brings you joy, and let go of the rest.
The Pressure of Perfection
Whether you’re planning a Jewish Wedding in Toronto or preparing for a significant life event like a Bar Mitzvah, there’s this pressure that looms over us—the pressure to be perfect. It’s easy to get caught up in the details: the perfect dress, the perfect vows, the perfect venue. This was something Shawn and Sam felt in the months leading up to their Jewish wedding ceremony.
They spent hours stressing over the little things—Jewish wedding decorations, the perfect wording for their Jewish wedding invitations, and even the timing of the Jewish wedding hora. But in the midst of their planning, they forgot about the most important element of their wedding: their love for each other.
When we sat down to discuss the ceremony, I could see the stress weighing on them. They were so focused on creating the perfect day for everyone else that they had forgotten to enjoy the process. I reminded them that perfection is not the goal. The goal is to celebrate their love, to embrace the joy of coming together in front of family and friends, and to focus on what they do best—being themselves.
Letting Go of What You’re Not
Shawn and Sam had to learn to let go of the pressure to please everyone. Planning a wedding comes with its challenges, but when you shift your focus from being perfect to simply being present, it changes everything. I encouraged them to focus on what they were great at—being a couple deeply in love, excited to start their lives together—and to let go of the rest.
And let me tell you, their Jewish wedding was spectacular—not because everything was perfect, but because they let themselves enjoy the moment. They weren’t worried about every tiny detail; instead, they focused on celebrating their love. The ceremony was meaningful, the Jewish wedding traditions were honored, and the day was filled with joy and laughter.
In fact, their ability to let go of perfection made their day even more beautiful. Their family and friends didn’t care about the little things—they cared about seeing Shawn and Sam happy and in love. And that’s exactly what happened. They embraced their strengths as a couple and let go of the pressure to be perfect.
Focus on What Makes You Happy
One of the key lessons I’ve learned in life is that happiness comes from focusing on what makes you feel good. For me, that’s teaching Online Bar Mitzvah Lessons, being a Bar Mitzvah Cantor, and serving as a Jewish Wedding Officiant. These are the things I’m great at, and they bring me immense joy.
I often tell my students and couples: stop focusing on the things you’re not great at. We all have strengths, and those strengths are what will lead us to happiness and fulfillment. Whether it’s planning a wedding or preparing for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the key is to lean into what you do best and let go of the rest.
For Shawn and Sam, the thing that made them happiest was spending time with their loved ones and celebrating their commitment to each other. Once they realized that this was the most important part of their wedding day, everything else fell into place. The Jewish wedding venue, the Jewish wedding music, the Jewish wedding customs—these all became secondary to the joy they found in each other’s company.
Don’t Let Insecurity Hold You Back
Insecurity is something that holds many of us back from truly enjoying life. We compare ourselves to others, we worry about what people think, and we stress about not being good enough. But here’s the truth: you are enough. You have everything you need inside of you to live a happy, fulfilled life. You just need to focus on your strengths and stop worrying about the rest.
Shawn and Sam were worried about what their guests would think if everything wasn’t perfect. But in the end, their guests didn’t care about perfection—they cared about seeing two people they loved happy. When you let go of insecurity, you open yourself up to joy, connection, and love. That’s what life is really about.
Lean Into What You Do Best
Whether you’re preparing for a Bar Mitzvah, planning a wedding, or navigating life’s challenges, the key to success and happiness is leaning into what you do best. For me, that’s teaching, officiating, and guiding people through important life events. For Shawn and Sam, it was celebrating their love with the people who matter most.
So, I want to ask you: what are YOU great at? What brings you joy? Focus on those things. Let go of the pressure to be perfect in areas that don’t matter. Life is too short to waste time beating yourself up over what you’re not. Celebrate your strengths and let those guide you to a life of fulfillment.
If you’re ready to live a life where you lean into your strengths and embrace joy, join us at CoolCantor. Whether you’re preparing for a Bar Mitzvah, planning a baby naming ceremony, a wedding or simply looking to build confidence, we’re here to guide you.
Cantor Ben
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