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Ben Silverberg

The Power of Choosing Kindness in Marriage and Friendships: Lessons from Cara and Rob’s Jewish Wedding

Toxic relationships, whether in friendships or marriages, can feel like unbreakable chains. They weigh you down, erode your confidence, and make you question your worth. At times, walking away feels impossible. One of my students once came to me in tears, feeling stuck in a friendship that had turned toxic. Her best friend, someone she had trusted, started making cruel comments about her appearance, saying things like, “You’re lucky I even hang out with you.”



She felt trapped—afraid to lose her friend but also devastated by the constant hurt. I told her, “A real friend lifts you up, not tears you down. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. And it’s okay to walk away from anyone who makes you feel small.” It wasn’t easy, but with time, she found the courage to set boundaries and surround herself with people who truly valued her.


This lesson isn’t just for friendships; it’s foundational to healthy, thriving marriages as well. I was reminded of this lesson while officiating Cara and Rob’s beautiful Jewish wedding in Toronto. Their story, filled with mutual respect, love, and support, exemplified what it means to choose kindness and build a relationship that uplifts and inspires.


Building a Marriage on Kindness and Respect


Cara and Rob came to me with a vision of a marriage grounded in Jewish wedding traditions and the values that guide a meaningful life. Their journey wasn’t without its challenges. Cara shared how, in past relationships, she often felt undervalued. Rob, too, had experienced friendships that took more than they gave. When they found each other, it was like discovering a safe haven—a space where they could be fully themselves, free from judgment or toxicity.


During their Jewish wedding ceremony, as they stood under the chuppah, the symbolism was powerful. The open sides of the chuppah represented a home filled with openness, warmth, and respect—a stark contrast to the toxic relationships they had left behind. This was their vow to each other: to always lift one another up and to create a partnership rooted in kindness and mutual appreciation.


As someone mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, I have seen countless marriages built on these principles. Kindness isn’t just a nice addition to a relationship; it’s the foundation. Without it, the most extravagant Jewish wedding decorations or perfectly crafted Jewish wedding invitations mean little.


Lessons from Jewish Wedding Rituals


Jewish wedding rituals are filled with meaning, each one a reminder of the values that sustain a marriage. For Cara and Rob, breaking the glass at the end of their ceremony symbolized more than just the fragility of life. It was a reminder to cherish the moments of joy and to always work together to repair what’s broken.


This idea of repair applies not only to the marriage itself but also to the relationships we surround ourselves with. Just as Cara learned to walk away from friendships that didn’t serve her, she and Rob committed to nurturing relationships with friends and family who would support their union, rather than detract from it. The Importance of Recognizing Toxic Relationships.


One of the most challenging parts of navigating life is recognizing when a relationship has become toxic. Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic partnership, the signs are often the same:

• Constant Criticism: Instead of building you up, they tear you down.

• Unequal Effort: One person always gives while the other takes.

• Emotional Drain: You feel exhausted, not energized, after spending time together.


Cara’s journey taught her that it’s okay to let go of relationships that don’t align with her values. This decision opened the door for her to embrace a life filled with positivity and love, including her partnership with Rob. Applying These Lessons in Marriage


The principles of choosing kindness and setting boundaries are just as essential in marriage as they are in friendships. Rob shared during their Jewish wedding reception how much he admired Cara’s strength and her ability to bring out the best in him. Cara, in turn, spoke about how Rob’s unwavering support had helped her heal from past hurts.


Their Jewish wedding celebrations weren’t just about one day; they were about laying the foundation for a lifetime of mutual respect and kindness. From the carefully chosen Jewish wedding music to the heartfelt Jewish wedding vows, every detail reflected their commitment to uplifting one another.


Incorporating Jewish Values into Modern Life


Jewish wedding customs, such as the signing of the ketubah or the seven blessings, remind us of the importance of community and connection. At their wedding, Cara and Rob made it a point to thank their guests for being part of their journey. This act of gratitude is a hallmark of Jewish wedding traditions and a reminder that healthy relationships are nurtured through appreciation and kindness.


Their story also reminds us of the importance of community in other life stages, such as a baby naming ceremony Jewish families celebrate. These moments, filled with love and tradition, are opportunities to recommit to the values that sustain us: kindness, respect, and the strength to walk away from what doesn’t serve us.

A Call to Action


Whether you’re planning a Jewish wedding in Toronto or navigating the challenges of everyday life, remember this: You deserve relationships that lift you up. As I told my student, walking away from toxic friendships isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a declaration of self-worth.


Cara and Rob’s story is a testament to the power of choosing kindness, not just in marriage but in every relationship. Their wedding was a beautiful celebration of love and respect, a reminder that the relationships we cultivate have the power to shape our lives.


If you’re planning your own Jewish wedding ceremony, remember that it’s more than a celebration—it’s a commitment to building a life filled with love, respect, and kindness. As someone mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, I’ve seen firsthand how these values create the foundation for a strong marriage.


Whether you’re looking for guidance on Jewish wedding services or preparing for a baby naming ceremony Jewish families hold dear, know that every step of the journey is an opportunity to choose kindness and build connections that uplift and inspire.


Final Thoughts


Cara and Rob’s wedding was a beautiful reminder that true relationships are built on mutual respect and kindness. Whether it’s a friendship, a marriage, or a family bond, the relationships we nurture shape the course of our lives. As you plan your own Jewish wedding in Toronto, take a moment to reflect on the values that matter most. Let kindness and respect guide you, just as they guided Cara and Rob. After all, the strongest foundations aren’t built on grand gestures—they’re built on everyday acts of love and kindness.

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