In every marriage, there are moments of joy, laughter, and deep connection. But there are also moments of imperfection—times when words are spoken in haste or actions unintentionally cause pain. The beauty of a strong relationship lies in how we handle those moments. Do we let them fester, or do we seek forgiveness, learn, and grow stronger together?
As a Jewish Wedding Cantor, I’ve had the privilege of guiding couples through their Jewish wedding ceremony and sharing wisdom that strengthens their bond. One of the most profound lessons comes from an experience I had as a teenager—an incident that taught me the importance of humility, apology, and forgiveness. It’s a lesson that resonates deeply with the couples I’ve worked with, including Dustin and Candace, a wonderful couple whose wedding I officiated in Toronto.
A Lesson in Humility and Love
When I was 13, I was at a Bar Mitzvah party, surrounded by friends and having the time of my life. At the end of the night, my dad came to pick me up, wearing his big, puffy brown jacket. I was a teenager, overly concerned with appearances, and I felt embarrassed. My friends’ dads wore leather jackets or fur coats—something I thought was more “cool” at the time.
I asked him, “Could you wait in the parking lot? You’re embarrassing me.”
I’ll never forget the look on his face. Hurt and disappointed, he said, “I came all this way at midnight to pick you up, and this is how you talk to me? Shame on you.”
That moment stayed with me. I apologized that night, the next day, and even years later. My dad forgave me and even laughed about it in time, but the memory of his hurt reminded me of the power of words—and the healing that comes with a heartfelt apology.
Dustin and Candace: A Marriage Rooted in Forgiveness
When I officiated Dustin and Candace’s Jewish wedding ceremony in Toronto, we talked about this very lesson during their preparation. Like many couples, they had experienced moments of miscommunication and unintentional hurt. Planning a wedding can be stressful, and tensions can rise over the smallest things—from choosing the perfect Jewish wedding decorations to finalizing the guest list for their Jewish wedding reception.
One day, Dustin shared a moment that had stayed with him. In a rush to finalize their Jewish wedding invitations, he had brushed off Candace’s suggestion about adding a sentimental quote to the design. He was focused on practicality and thought her idea was unnecessary. Later, he realized how important it was to her and felt terrible about dismissing her feelings.
Candace, on the other hand, remembered a time when she had criticized Dustin’s choice of music for their Jewish wedding hora. She had been stressed about the playlist and hadn’t taken the time to appreciate his effort.
In both cases, they learned to apologize sincerely and forgive one another. Their ability to communicate, acknowledge their mistakes, and move forward strengthened their bond.
The Role of Forgiveness in Marriage
Marriage isn’t about being perfect; it’s about growing together. Couples who learn to apologize and forgive create a foundation of trust and love that withstands life’s challenges.
As a Jewish Wedding Officiant, I often remind couples of the importance of humility and empathy. Just as we seek forgiveness in our relationships with others, Jewish traditions teach us to seek forgiveness with God during the High Holidays. This concept applies beautifully to marriage—it’s a relationship that thrives on honesty, compassion, and the willingness to repair what’s broken.
Building Stronger Connections
The lessons Dustin and Candace learned during their wedding preparation extend beyond their marriage. They apply to relationships with family, friends, and even ourselves.
For example, during their baby naming ceremony—a beautiful tradition that celebrates the arrival of a new life—they reflected on the values they wanted to instill in their child: kindness, humility, and the courage to admit when you’re wrong. Whether it’s through Jewish newborn ceremonies or everyday life, these lessons create a ripple effect of positivity and connection.
Practical Tips for Couples
Here are a few practical ways couples can nurture forgiveness and understanding in their marriage:
1. Pause Before Reacting
When emotions run high, take a moment to breathe before responding. This helps prevent hurtful words from being said in the heat of the moment.
2. Listen Actively
Show your partner that their feelings matter. Listen without interrupting, and acknowledge their perspective.
3. Apologize Sincerely
A genuine apology goes a long way. It’s not just about saying “I’m sorry”; it’s about acknowledging the hurt caused and committing to do better.
4. Practice Gratitude
Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Expressing gratitude for your partner’s efforts fosters a sense of appreciation and connection.
5. Seek Guidance
Whether through a trusted mentor, a counselor, or spiritual guidance, seeking support can help couples navigate challenges with clarity and purpose.
A Wedding and a Lifelong Commitment
Dustin and Candace’s wedding wasn’t just a celebration of their love; it was a reminder of the values that would guide their marriage. From the traditions of the Jewish wedding chuppah to the signing of the Jewish wedding ketubah, their ceremony reflected a deep commitment to respect, forgiveness, and growth.
As someone who was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, I’m honored to bring these teachings into every ceremony I officiate. Whether it’s a modern Jewish wedding or a traditional Jewish wedding, the core values remain the same: love, respect, and the courage to grow together.
Final Thoughts
Marriage is a journey of learning, forgiving, and building something beautiful together. Just as I learned from my own moment of imperfection with my dad, Dustin and Candace learned to navigate their challenges with humility and grace.
If you’re planning a Jewish wedding in Toronto or a baby naming ceremony Jewish event, remember that these moments are about more than the celebration. They’re opportunities to reflect on the values that shape our relationships and guide our lives.
Visit bensilverberg.com to learn more about my Jewish wedding services, including Jewish wedding music, Jewish wedding traditions, and Jewish wedding customs. Together, let’s create a ceremony that celebrates your love and lays the foundation for a lifetime of joy and connection.
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