We’ve all got this incredible window of life, so why not just fight for enjoyment? It’s heartbreaking to see people beating themselves up over what they’re not, instead of celebrating what they are. Every single one of us—including myself—is good at some things and not so great at others. But why do we choose to put what we’re not good at on a pedestal and use it to measure our worth?
Here’s the truth: I’m a good wedding officiant, Bar and Bat Mitzvah teacher, and I’m a great life coach. And guess what? I’m happy. That’s what matters. The same goes for your wedding day and your marriage. It’s not about everything being perfect—it’s about embracing who you are and celebrating that joyfully. So, what are YOU great at that makes you happy? Stop focusing on the rest, and lean into what you do best. This approach can transform not only your wedding experience but your entire life.
Jennifer and Marc: Embracing the Beauty of Imperfection
Let’s take the example of Jennifer and Marc, a Jewish wedding couple I had the pleasure of marrying in Toronto. They were excited, nervous, and like many couples, they had a vision for a perfect wedding day. They had spent months planning every detail, from the flowers and music to the Jewish Wedding Ceremony traditions they wanted to honor. They worked so hard to make everything just right, but as the big day approached, I noticed something—they were getting caught up in the stress of making everything perfect, and it was starting to overshadow their joy.
We had a candid conversation a few weeks before the wedding. I told them, “Your wedding day isn’t about perfection. It’s about celebrating your love and commitment to each other. Things might go wrong, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re surrounded by people who love you and that you’re taking this beautiful step together.”
Focusing on What Really Matters
On the day of the wedding, something did go wrong. The band they’d booked for their Jewish Wedding Music showed up late, causing a bit of chaos. I could see the stress on Jennifer’s face. She was worried about the timing, the guests, and whether everything would go as planned.
I reminded her of our conversation: “Jennifer, this is your day. Don’t let a small hiccup take away from the beauty of this moment. You and Marc are here, surrounded by love, ready to start your life together. That’s what matters.”
She took a deep breath, smiled, and let go of the need for everything to be perfect. And you know what? The rest of the day was magical. The band eventually showed up, and the guests didn’t even notice the delay. Instead of focusing on what wasn’t going right, Jennifer and Marc leaned into what was—their love, their joy, and the incredible celebration of their marriage.
Embrace Who You Are
This lesson isn’t just for weddings. It’s for life. We’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others or beating ourselves up for not being good at everything. But life isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding happiness in who you are and what you do best.
So, ask yourself: What are you great at? What makes you happy? For Jennifer, it was her passion for family and tradition. For Marc, it was his creativity and humor, which brought so much joy to their wedding day. They each brought their unique strengths to their relationship, making it not just strong, but joyful and fulfilling.
Why Perfection is a Trap
Perfection is a myth, and chasing it will only lead to disappointment and stress. It’s an impossible standard that no one can meet, yet so many people—especially couples planning a wedding—feel pressured to achieve it. The truth is, what makes an event or a person truly special isn’t perfection, but authenticity.
Your guests won’t remember if the flowers were the wrong shade of pink or if the caterer ran out of appetizers. What they’ll remember is the love they felt between you and your partner, the joy of the celebration, and the beauty of your commitment to each other.
How to Focus on What Matters
Here’s how you can shift your focus from perfection to what really matters:
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that things might not go exactly as planned, and that’s okay. Whether it’s a wedding, a project, or even daily life, allow room for flexibility.
Celebrate Small Wins: Did you manage to plan a wedding in the middle of a busy work schedule? That’s a win! Did you navigate a tough conversation with your partner successfully? Another win! Celebrate these moments.
Focus on Your Strengths: Just like Jennifer and Marc did, focus on what you and your partner bring to the table. Are you a great listener? Do you have a knack for making people laugh? Embrace these qualities.
Enjoy the Process: The journey is just as important as the destination. Enjoy the planning, the small moments, and the little quirks that make your relationship unique.
Let Go of What You Can’t Control: Some things will be out of your hands. Don’t let them dictate your happiness. Focus on what you can control—your attitude, your reactions, and your joy.
A Happy Marriage is About Balance
Jennifer and Marc’s wedding day wasn’t perfect in the traditional sense, but it was perfectly them. They laughed, they cried, they danced, and they embraced every moment. They let go of what didn’t matter and focused on the incredible love they have for each other. That’s what a happy marriage is all about—balance. It’s about accepting each other’s flaws, celebrating each other’s strengths, and finding joy in the journey.
Lean into What Makes You Happy
We’ve got this incredible window of life, so why not focus on what makes us happy? Stop beating yourself up for what you’re not. Instead, celebrate what you are. Whether it’s in your marriage, your career, or your personal life, lean into your strengths and enjoy the ride.
For Jennifer and Marc, embracing who they are made their wedding day—and their marriage—beautiful and authentic. They stopped stressing about perfection and started enjoying each other. It’s a lesson we can all learn from.
Join Me for More Lessons in Life and Love
At BenSilverberg.com I’m here to help you find joy and authenticity in every aspect of your life, from Jewish Wedding Planning to personal growth. Whether you’re planning your big day or looking to improve your life, let’s focus on what makes you uniquely you. Stop chasing perfection and start embracing the beautiful, imperfect journey of life. I was mentored by an amazing Jewish wedding Rabbi.
For more information on Jewish Wedding Services, Baby Naming Ceremonies, and more, visit BenSilverberg.com.
Thanks
Cantor Ben
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