Marriage is much like building a house. You don't just put up walls and a roof overnight; you lay one brick at a time, slowly creating a solid foundation that can withstand life's storms. In the same way, developing positive habits in your marriage can lead to a relationship that grows stronger and more fulfilling over time.
The Secret Ingredient to a Happy Marriage: Consistency
Whether you’re learning a new skill, striving for better health, or working on personal growth, consistency is the secret ingredient to success. Small, consistent actions in your marriage—like showing appreciation, spending quality time together, or simply communicating openly—add up over time and lead to a stronger, healthier relationship.
Take the example of Melissa and Ben, a Jewish wedding couple I recently had the honor of officiating in Toronto. They came to me with a beautiful love story but also some concerns about balancing their individual careers with their commitment to each other. We talked about how to integrate small, consistent habits into their daily routine to ensure they stay connected, no matter how busy life gets.
Establishing Habits That Strengthen Your Relationship
Melissa and Ben decided to establish a few key habits. They committed to having a weekly “date night,” no matter how busy their schedules became. This time was non-negotiable—a way for them to reconnect and focus on each other without distractions. They also began a habit of sending each other a daily message, sharing something they appreciated about the other or a small victory from their day. These small actions created a foundation of appreciation and open communication that will serve them well throughout their marriage.
Jewish Wedding Traditions and the Importance of Consistency
During their Jewish wedding ceremony, I spoke about the significance of the chuppah, the wedding canopy. It symbolizes the home that Melissa and Ben are building together. Just like the physical structure of a house, their home’s strength and stability depend on the consistent, loving actions they take each day.
Jewish traditions emphasize the importance of daily mitzvot (good deeds) and the power of small, consistent acts to transform one’s life. In the same way, the daily habits you build in your marriage can create a strong, loving relationship. From lighting Shabbat candles together to sharing a quiet moment of reflection at the end of the day, these consistent actions contribute to a deep and enduring bond.
Personal Story: The Power of Consistency in My Life
I can tell you from personal experience that developing consistent habits has been transformative for me. During my teenage years, I struggled with my weight and overall health. It wasn’t that I was eating any more than usual, but my metabolism had changed, and I wasn’t exercising. When my doctor suggested making exercise a daily habit, I knew I needed to take action.
I committed to finding 30 minutes a day to work out. Whether during lunch or in the late afternoon, I made it part of my routine. It wasn’t always fun or easy, but I found ways to make it enjoyable—listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos, or catching up on audiobooks. Over time, this habit transformed not only my physical health but also my mental well-being. I felt more energized, more focused, and more capable of taking on life’s challenges.
Another habit I’ve integrated into my life is telling my two children every single day that I love them and that I’m proud of them. It’s a simple practice, but it has a profound impact. It reinforces our bond, boosts their self-esteem, and ensures they grow up knowing they are loved and valued. This small, consistent action lays the foundation for their self-worth and emotional health.
Building Habits in Marriage: Tips for Success
1.Start Small and Be Consistent: Like building a house one brick at a time, start with small habits that you can commit to daily or weekly. Whether it’s a morning hug, a nightly check-in, or a weekly date, consistency is key.
2.Communicate Openly: Make it a habit to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Don’t let misunderstandings or frustrations build up. Regular, honest communication can prevent small issues from becoming big problems.
3.Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and celebrate the small successes in your relationship. Whether it’s overcoming a disagreement, supporting each other through a tough week, or simply sticking to your habits, acknowledging these moments strengthens your bond.
4.Patient and Adaptable: Habits take time to build, and life can throw curveballs that disrupt even the best-laid plans. Be patient with yourselves and each other. If something isn’t working, talk about it and adapt as needed.
Applying These Lessons to Your Marriage
Melissa and Ben have seen the benefits of these consistent habits in their relationship. Their weekly date nights have become a cherished tradition, a time to reconnect and unwind. The daily messages have created a habit of appreciation that helps them stay connected, even on their busiest days. They’ve built a strong foundation by laying one brick at a time, and they’re committed to continuing this practice throughout their marriage.
If you’re planning your own Jewish wedding in Toronto or anywhere else, think about the habits you want to build in your marriage. What small, consistent actions can you take to strengthen your relationship? Maybe it’s as simple as starting each day with a “good morning” message or ending each night with a gratitude practice. Whatever it is, remember that these small actions add up over time.
Your Turn: What Habits Will You Build?
Now I want to hear from you. What habits have you started that have improved your life or your relationship? Are there habits you’d like to start but haven’t yet? How can you make them fun and easy to stick to? Share your thoughts, and let’s inspire each other to build a life full of consistent, positive actions.
At Ben Silverberg Weddings, I’m not just here to help you create a beautiful wedding ceremony—I’m here to support you in building a strong, loving marriage. I was mentored by a fantastic Jewish wedding Rabbi. Just like Melissa and Ben, you can use the power of habits to create a relationship that grows stronger with each passing day. Let’s build something beautiful together, one habit at a time.
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